Are there self-calming tools young children can us? Yes. Dozens!
Emotions are a form of energy. The energy can be comfortable or uncomfortable. When a child’s emotional cup gets full, it overflows and spills on whoever or whatever is nearby. This can happen when the child is jumping for joy, or striking out when upset. When the energy (feeling) is too strong, you can redirect it with self-soothing or self calming strategies. When you are looking for new strategies, it is sometimes helpful to ask yourself how else he or she can use the energy.
In the Qwik Book, 24 Simple Self-Calming Tools, I offer 24 strategies. These strategies are divided into six categories: physical, auditory/verbal, visual, creative, self-nurturing, and humor. The book offers four examples of each category.
- Physical tools use the energy in large active movements. For example, running, jumping and waving your arms.
- Auditory/verbal tools release the energy with sound – singing, listening to music, playing an instrument or self talk (“I can handle this,” or “this will pass”).
- Visual tools focus on calming images. The images can be created in your mind or seen around you. For example, looking out the window, watching an aquarium, visiting a calm place in your mind.
- Creative tools take the frustrated, angry energy and use it to create something. It can be a Lego structure, beading a bracelet, drawing a picture, baking bread, or writing in a journal.
- Self-nurturing tools involve doing something you thoroughly enjoy. For example taking a bubble bath, eating a piece of chocolate, or ask for a hug.
- Humor tools turn the energy into amusement. You can watch a funny movie, read a joke book or exaggerating the situation to the point of silliness or absurd.
There are two kinds of self-soothing strategies — ATM tools (those you use At The Moment) and maintenance strategies (that reduce background stress so you are better able to handle the crisis or drama.) Some approaches, of course, can do both. As you look at the ideas above consider which alternative might be ATM tools for you and which might be maintenance tools.
Elizabeth Crary
Author of STAR Parenting Tales and Tools
and Dealing with Disappointment
Note: Share what calming tools work for your child as a comment and receive a free copy of the downloadable book 24 Simple Self-Calming Tools and a chance to win a copy of The Way I Feel. See the Opportunities Tab for directions.
Parenting Reflections 
Hello Elizabeth!
I am a huge fan of your books, both as a parent and as someone who now works with parents. I just read your self-soothing post and couldn’t agree more. Teaching self-soothing skills can take time and practice, but are very much worth the effort. I remember working hard with my own children to find the tools that would be helpful to each of their temperaments. I knew my son, who was five-years-old at the time, was getting the message when after one very challenging day, he came up to me and said, “Mom, it looks like we need a little break. Let me make us some tea!” It became a ritual we used when life got overwhelming until he left for college. I fondly look back on our times sitting together on the couch, sipping tea and working through life’s challenges! Believe me, he took plenty of tea to college with him! : )
Melanie Salonen
Parent Instructor
Vashon Maury Cooperative Preschool