Parenting Reflections

After I got home, she said, I thought about our conversation. I decided there were two parts of the problem. First, to help him see that there were different ways to look at things, and second, that he could choosewhich approach he preferred. I started by explaining the different view points. First I got a half glass of water and explained the difference between the approaches:

• Pessimist – sees the problems, expects the worst – see glass as half empty.
• Optimist – cheerful, encouraging, sees the good in situations – see the glass as half full,
• Realist – sees things as they really are, deals with them practically – see a glass with water.

Once he had a vocabulary we talked about his twin cousins: Catherine and Mary. Catherine is quiet, reserved, and very cautious. She can tell you why what you want to do will fail. Mary is a bright, bubbly child who sees the best in everything. And is convinced that everything will work

I asked Jacob to remember or imagine what Catherine thought of his party. He thought a moment and said, “Too noisy. She didn’t like it.”  Next, I asked what Mary thought. “She thought it was fun and liked the pizza.”  “So,” I asked, “was the party fun or was it too noisy?”  He got a funny expression on his face and said, “It was fun and noisy. It can be fun and noisy you know.” I summed up, “So a person can choose to focus on the pleasant or the unpleasant – whichever they choose. Hmmm.”

She continued, yesterday when I dropped a stack of paper and boxes I was carrying to the car, I called to Jacob. “Quick – what are my viewpoints?” He thought a moment and said,

• Pessimist: Papers will get all wet and ruined. The wind will blow them away. You’ll never find them.
• Optimist: It’s a fine day – cloudy, no wind. Why hurry?
• Realist: Some paper is awfully near the puddle. Better get them picked up fast before the wind blows.

Since then, Jacob has been a little more thoughtful about his reactions. He still sees things from the dark side, but now he realizes that he has a choice. And, if I notice early enough and say, “Viewpoints” he can sometimes pull himself together. So we have mastered the vocabulary and application to other people part. We are now working on that he has a choice.