The students were of every color. The place was a junior/senior high social studies class in an affluent first ring suburb. The topic was overindulgence. Near the end of the interactive class the students, who came in exuding their sort of studied adolescent boredom, were very serious and very attentive.
“Dr. Clarke,” an expensively dressed, sparkly blond senior asked, “If we think we are being overindulged, what can we do to counter it?” No child had ever asked me that before. I thought a moment and said two words. “Do chores.” The room got deadly silent, and then a buzz grew as students conversed with the persons next to them and then called questions across the room. It was as if I was not there. The buzz subsided and they turned to me. “Dr. Clarke, we know a girl who does chores.” Someone named her. Heads nodded, and there were murmurs of agreement.
“How many of you do chores?” I asked. No one. Not one. Not one single one. “We are too busy to do chores,” they told me. They know how to play football and the flute, but they don’t know how to do their own laundry or vacuum or plan and cook a meal. Of course sports and music are good. Children learn about teamwork and cooperation along with a packet of specific skills. But these kid’s lives are out of balance. How many of them, in the adult world, will be expected to play football or the flute on a weekly basis in their spot in the workplace?
Participants in the Overindulgence Research Studies, adults who had grown up in households where the rules were wishy-washy and no chores were expected, complained about their deep embarrassment and ineffectiveness because they didn’t know how to do some things that other adults automatically knew how to do.
Martha Rossman, UniversityofMinnesota, did longitudinal research on age of starting to do household tasks and success in mid twenties. The most successful young adults started helping with household tasks at age three.
Learning to do household tasks effectively means practicing the five essential steps in doing any workplace job effectively.
- Asking, what is the job?
- Making sure I have the skills needed.
- Doing the job.
- Finishing the job.
- Putting the gear (the equipment, the products, the stuff) involved away.
If our children aren’t learning these important life skills, we can start them now. Chores are just like sports. They need clear rules and a consistent coach. “Clean your room” is meaningless unless the parent/coach has taught them how.
So, time spent coaching children to do chores not only helps children become competent, and to be contributing members of the family, but it also helps them grow up. There is a spiffy chart showing at what ages children do tasks with help, with reminding, and on their own in Elizabeth Crary’s book Pick Up Your Socks.
The How Much Is Enough? book by Clarke, Dawson, and Bredehoft, offers lots of help for families learning to counter overindulgence.
Parenting Reflections 